Check out these words that a black man had to say about his black wife. 

I have now been married for 8 years and I know for some that might not be a long time. But for me it has been some of the best years of my life. A pastor said something that changed my marriage for me. He said “men your destiny is tied directly into your wife”.

At the time I was like wow! See I was a guy that before I got married I already had my career. I was already 12 years in to doing what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and if anything she was going to have to ride this ride with me. But when I heard him say my destiny was tied into her it was like he had to be talking directly to me.

Even with me career and all the dreams I had for that. None of that could happen if it wasn’t with her. So that night I called a meeting. Just me and my wife and I said babe I apologize, and from this day forward I have to unplug from me and plug into you. That day my life and my relationship with my wife totally changed. You see most people think that when they get married the other person is going to have to change for “me”. And that’s a battle that is lost most of the time. 

I had to realize that I can’t change my wife. The only person that I can change is me. So I started to concentrate on me my change, which made me concentrate more on my wife and our relationship. I began to pour into my wife and she became my biggest cheerleader in my life and pushes me to be more than I thought I could be. Men we have to start taking the lead in making our marriages better.

God said that a woman is to submit to the man, but He also said that the man is to love the woman like Christ loved the church. Follow Jesus. Thank You to the love of my life Jessica Oglesby.“

Comedian C-Dawg

Isn’t that beautiful. Perhaps these words could help another good man see the light of day.

If you are truly interested in changing your mate you must change yourself.  Luckily there are two books to help you with that written by Kenya and Carl Stevens. 

PUT THAT WOMAN FIRST

Ted has been living the life money, cars, women, whatever….

He lives with his girl but does whatever he wants. Comes in all hours of the night & morning if at all and while there may be an argument or tears from his girl she still takes care of him and they’ve been together awhile. He has love for her but isn’t in love with her. So one day he’s out and about and sees someone that catches his eye off the bat. This one seems different he thinks and takes the necessary steps to get to know more about her and eventually pursues her. By chance they end up working at the same place, they conversate, exchange numbers and a little while later Ted’s breaking up with his girl and moving in with Trish. Ted’s been in like, not love before but this is different. They have a ball together and though they go through drama of their own seem to generally have love for one another.

One day someone tells Trish that Ted is still creeping with his ex (which he’s not) and in the middle of their biggest fight Ted out of fear of losing her pops the question and Trish says “YES!” It wasn’t an ideal proposal but they have a dream wedding and start a life together. They have two children and decide to relocate. In the process of adjusting to a new state and the other stresses of kids, bills, family, and life in general they start to grow apart. To the outside it seems like everything’s together but that’s far from the truth. They cheat, lie, fight, but stay together. They break up, make up, wake up and try it again and again. Eventually they decide to call it quits, with each of them realizing they love each other but can’t make either one happy. They go through the dark days ahead feeling the pain of years past in addition to the pain of their children dealing with the divorce. They go to war over everything, the kids see and hear too much, eventually they heal and become friends and great co-parents. Dark days and sleepless nights turn two people into stronger, wiser, and more faithful beings that understand the joy, pain, sunshine, and rain relationships can bring. They hopefully have learned from their mistakes and move on with life…

This may not be your story, may have some or no similarities to your present, past or future relationship but hopefully leads you to question the “happiness” of life. Everyone ultimately wants to be happy and ever since Adam and Eve in the garden man was meant to be with woman and woman was meant to be with man so that’s the quest of life. To hopefully find that person that would be the missing piece to a happy and fulfilled journey.

Too many times though we act as the settlers that founded new lands. We stake a claim to someone and stay there no matter what, like the posters on the wall we are there hour after hour, year after year. Scared to leave because we think someone might find gold where we only sifted through dirt. Like gold miners we keep sifting and sifting, but looking up we actually fall deeper and deeper into the pit of sadness. We want gold, we want oil, we want happiness but we instead get sadness and turmoil with a few laughs sprinkled in occasionally. Two people have either drifted apart or were never truly together in the first place. Some people settle for comfortable. Meaning the kids are good, the bills are paid, there’s money in the bank, a roof over your head or whatever’s important to you at the time. But can you really put a price on true happiness? How can you be comfortable when you have love for but aren’t in love with the person you go home to everyday? How can you flirt, cheat, and/or fantasize and then lay next to someone you supposedly love knowing none of the fantasies involved them? How can you accept someone cheating or disrespecting you but then come home to them day after night, year after year? What made you think settling was acceptable? Made it alright to accept existing instead of actually living?

I’ve lost enough people and seen enough things to know that life’s short, so why live it with someone that either never did or doesn’t make you happy? People seem so scared to be alone and deal with the person in the mirror that they’ll settle for “cool” or just enough. I don’t even like my food cool, so why would I accept that in another human being? Others keep waiting on change. The same person you’ve been with for X amount of years you expect to one day come home to and they’re all of the sudden the man/woman of your dreams. Take the rose colored glasses off things don’t happen like that. People are who they are and you either accept them or you don’t. What good’s a nice family portrait when you know it only shows actors and actresses like your favorite movie poster?

Eventually everyone has to deal with the person on the other side of the mirror. I think after years of complacency the image staring back at you becomes more and more unrecognizable. As for me I’d rather be happy and single than settle for cool or miserable. It takes a strong, confident person to be selective in who they choose to spend any part of their life with.

I used to laugh at the people I saw at the movies and eating alone, but now I commend them because for whatever reason they’ve decided not to conform to a random warm body in an otherwise cold bedroom and life. Marriage is great, relationships are great, love is wonderful as long as you don’t just settle for a façade that’s far short of the intended meaning of any of those things like many people do just because they can’t or refuse to do life alone…..

When you’re really confident and happy with yourself you’ll realize who and what makes you happy and won’t settle for less, when you’re not you’ll settle for anything, appear to have something, and wake up daily questioning whether you have anything at all. The choice is yours, I choose to be happy and “cool” or comfortable just isn’t enough and never will be…

I only have one question: Are you happy? And if not what are you gonna do about it? Time waits for no one..

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Drake performed at Windsor’s Collosseum at Caesars Windsor last night in Canada. Apparently his heart took over during the concert. He decided to speak about something on his conscious.  Drake spoke of how he missed Nicki Minaj, who has been touring the country promoting her album for much of the year.

 He spoke to the audience:                                   “Maybe I should call up Nicki Minaj and tell her how much I love her and how proud of her I am because I feel that ever since we got famous we don’t really talk anymore and all I wanna do is hear her voice again for once in my life. Maybe I should and that’s real shit too…damn”

I know we all get a bit emotional sometimes and have to let someone know that they are on our minds and in our hearts. But I don’t get this. Am I missing something? Is there more to this?

Drake talks Nicki Minaj

Nikki Minaj and Drake Behind The Scenes on the Moment For Life Video

Drake also took time out during the show to  respond to the Big Sean Beef Rumors

The Question:

Why is it when a couple is going through financial hardships the first thing the lady wants to do is stop having sex ??? Late at night saying things like “we dont have any time for this”….

If you can watch soaps all day then you can sex your man no matter what the hardship is…. Can you help me w/ this dillemma ???? submitted via email

Kissy’s Answer:

Mama always told me, There is no romance without finance. If love was all we needed to survive the world would be a much better place. But there probably would not be many inventions…

The hardest thing for a sane woman to do is have a sex drive in the midst of financial hardship. Women simply are not turned on when they are broke or lacking the things they want and need.

It is imperative that men stop believing all this false stuff about it’s what’s on the inside that counts and all this other BS that some one put out into the world to fool people. Love does not pay any bills and a woman wants a man that can provide for her.

Intelligent women pick men based on their ability to survive. If you were in the same situation when you met your woman you need to sit her down and tell her that she knew what she was getting into.

I quoted on twitter last week that if your girl doesn’t want to have sex with you, chances are your money is not right.

Women often do not discuss finances with a mate before getting into a relationship for fear of being labeled a gold digger. So she will get into a relationship with you and then stop wanting to be with you after she realizes there are money problems.  This is why it is best to discuss finances and expectations before committing.

So what can you do?

• A. You can cheat
• B. You can find a way to supplement your income
• C. You can use your hand until you get your money up.

Truthfully your relationship is at the beginning of coming to an end. When a woman stops having sex with her mate that means she feels disgusted by you. Having sex with you while you are not providing for her wants and needs feels like rape to her…

Most all divorces are due to financial issues. The figure is something like 70%. I would suggest that in the next relationship you sit down together and discuss finances before hand.  Put yourself on a budget and start putting money into savings. If you are in a relationship together with a common goal of saving money towards retirement this will help you both focus and not need some of the unecessary things that you can do without. Order your credit report and figure out how to fix it.

Also you may want to consider dating a woman with good credit. This way you can use her credit in case of emergency. Men should not take on spouses that they can not afford. If your finances are not good you have to get a mate with good finances.  That will create balance.  Lastly it would be in your best interest to become financially educated. If you are not educated in finance and how money works you will always have financial problems.

Kissy Denise | Queen of Answers

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Liquor is good for the soul. It makes you forget  all of your problems and worries. It knocks you out and makes you have sweet pleasant dreams. Then u wake up in the morning, take a hot shower and put on your warm fuzzy slippers.  Go to the fridge and hit the button for some instant ice chips. The little things in life are so nice.

Always remember that nothing is permanent except death and most times bad health.  Being black used to be permanent too but Michael Jackson changed all that. Problems come, problems go. You must learn to take comfort in the fact that all things change and nothing remains the same. In order to be a survivor you have to last longer then the struggle. You can’t give up on yourself.

Life is a fight. Everyday you have to get up and go at it again.  And if you happen to be one of the lucky ones who are actually able to enjoy a few moments of bliss here and there, appreciate those times. When we get older all we really have is memories. And when we leave this earth all people really have of us is memories and whatever we leave them in our will.

So it’s best that you live your life to the fullest and help some people along the way. Sprinkle some good memories. Life is precious.  No one likes to struggle. But if not for struggle there would be no happiness. Success would not be a word. Can’t have one without the other.

So get up today and get yourself across the finish line.  Keep your eye on the prize.  The prize is Bliss, Happiness and Freedom to spend your life doing things that make you happy. That’s all money is.  Money is freedom.

The more money you have, the more time you have to do things that you enjoy. Time is money. Don’t spend that time cying or feeling sorry for yourself. Spend it pushing towards a better life with less stress. And when you get that life, instead of being caught up in your new stress always remember where you came from and just enjoy the moments.

This Friday Rambling was brought to you by Michael Jackson. Every time I think of Michael I am filled with sadness. He was a beautiful  person. He gave the world great music. So many memories.. I still remember watching girls faint over him on tv when I was little.  I remember filming his video “One More Chance” in Vegas, Michael was so nice on the set. Then on the 2nd day of shooting suddenly we were told reporters were outside. The start of the case in Santa Barbara….. Seems like it all went downhill for Michael after that.  But even before then Michael was never truly happy. Michael Jackson gave so much of himself. But he had no peace while he was on this earth. I hope in his 2nd life his spirit comes back as a regular child who is able to enjoy life and find peace on earth. (Don’t forget to scroll back up to the top and check out the cool Michael Jackson Gallery that I made.)

P.S.  I didn’t check this for grammer or spelling errors. I woke up this morning and I felt like blogging.  I didn’t write this to entertain anyone. So even if only 5 people read this I’m happy.

Kissy

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Beyonce spoke to CNN’s talk show host Piers Morgan and he gets her to open up and talk about  why she chose Jay Z out of all the man that were pursuing her and the possibility of a baby.

2116272152 by yardie4lifever2

I love it. She speaks about what I teach. Love is the foundation for everything. Without it you have nothing.

 “@KissyDenise- Here is the reason black men date outside their race… Black men want to marry a woman who has absolutely no problem being submissive & knowing/playing their role(s). Finding a black woman who will do this (without being a headache) is extremely difficult. There can only be 1 King! Black women have a problem allowing men to take the throne/run his Kingdom. Others use their brains & run the Kingdom (through him). He’s ok with that “ http://twitter.com/#!/askcheyb

Black women are not submissive. Nonsense! You just don’t know how to make her that way. Why are so many black men stating that they want a Michelle Obama type of woman yet they themselves are not a Barack Obama? They totally lack the traits of a man who encompasses a woman being submissive to him.

It is said that a black woman who grows up in a home without a father is unwilling to submit to her man. it is true that black women who grew up in homes without a father may not know what submission is and usually don’t have that level of respect for men. When a man who is a loving, protecting leader finds a good woman she will naturally slowly submit to him.

Some women submit to the wrong men. These women will submit to a man who did not display good leadership skills, along with also acting  in her  best interest.  Walking away feeling like submission has messed up her life up and feeling like submission means being a doormat.

A father protects, gives his daughter what she wants and needs while teaching her about life. Fathers raise their daughters to be independent, meanwhile spoiling them and making sure they have everything they need. A good father sends his daughter out into the world with knowledge instilled in her by him. She leaves home with knowledge, purpose and a sense of direction. Quite naturally the daughter has a great amount of respect for her father.

For the most part a majority of black men do not play their correct role in the household or relationships with black women. Therefore their woman is unwilling to submit to him. A lot of black men will only play the role of sex partner and protector.

Black men will often meet a black woman and instruct her to be strong, be independent and don’t ask him for anything. She will do exactly that. But, now that she has been strong, independent and done everything on her own, you want her to bow down and turn her life over to a man. She did not get to where she is today by being submissive in every relationship she encountered. Had she done so she may not be the successful woman that you are now interested in.

The successful single black woman who dates black men is more then likely going to do everything on her own, so of course she is going to lack the respect needed to submit to a man.  Submission has to be earned. It should only be given when you have asked for her hand in marriage. Even if a man came along who would assist her by giving her knowledge to better herself and mow the lawn sometime that would be a start.

You can’t expect a black woman to submit to you when you are the type of man that offers her no assistance. Why should she submit to a man that has her changing her own oil?  Will you at least help her locate a repair shop when her car breaks down? Did you make sure that she had AAA?

You should not expect a woman to submit to you if you have not found your own direction and purpose in life. Steel sharpens steel You can’t come with a empty pencil expecting  to write the laws of the house. Even if lead was in the pencil she would only use the other end to erase what you wrote. A man has to set the tone and be firm and decisive. His instructions should be written in ink.    Pages: 1 2

Interested in getting out of the friend zone? If you are currently friends with that beautiful girl that you’ve been spending every day listening to her blabber about her daily struggles with the men that she dates, that steamy romance that you have been waiting on is more then likely, not going to happen. You are in the friend zone. Maybe you placed yourself in the friend zone or maybe she placed you in the friend zone. Whatever the case, the friend zone is almost impossible to escape.

Being in the friend zone means that there is a certain level of sexual attraction/chemistry missing. Sex is a great part of human needs. Yes you can live without sex but it is also a very natural urge of the body. Your body craves it.   Naturally, when being in the presence of someone you are attracted to that feeling of lust will surface. Women are no different than men, other then not giving into the urge right away due to societal, fear based inhibitions.

While you may believe that you are doing what’s best and being patient, quite frankly some other man is going to come along and get those goodies. He may have gotten them already. Meanwhile you wait while occasionally being thrown a scooby snack.

Maybe you know this and you feel like you are exercising patience and she will choose you after running through all these men and seeing that they are no good for her. She won’t. She will just go gather a new batch and you will still be there as a friend. An emotional shoulder to lean on. She will give you a nice pat on the back, a hug or maybe even a kiss on the cheek to say thanks for listening.

Women already have “friends”, i.e. people  they are not sexually attracted to. Do you really think she is going out dating so that she can meet more men she can be “friends” with?  Women do talk to everyone and have needless menial conversations with strangers. But what she is really seeking, is a connection.

A woman wants to meet someone that lights her fire down below, someone who makes her heart rate speed up. Someone who makes her smile upon sight or thought of him. One must not get platonic and romance confused. When a man is interested he should let the woman know his intent and that he is interested in getting to know her romantically.  At least if you apeak of your intent upfront and behave as pursuing alpha male, it might save you from being looked at like a cute lil puppy that occasionally gets petted.

Being platonic in general allows an opportunity to get to know ones flaws, quite frankly during this time period of showing your flaws and saying things the other doesn’t agree with you chance talking yourself out of a potential relationship. People are much more accepting of your flaws when their body is being flooded with lust by dopamine.

If you have been in the friend zone for 6 months, waiting on that girl to dump her boyfriend and get with you, waiting on her to stop dating all those other men who have the sense to be a alpha male and not get placed in the friend zone, waiting on something that’s never going to come. STOP, move on. The next girl you meet you let her know that you are romantically interested in her from the beginning.

When a male is still in the friend zone after three months time, she is just not interested. At the minimum by three months time some heavy petting or making out should have occured.  If not it is time to move, on, leave her alone. Don’t allow yourself to be her “girlfriend” in a man’s body. What’s the difference between her having you as a friend and having a gay male as a friend? Nothing, except he probably has more fashion sense then you do.

Keeping things hot and spicy in the bedroom is a very easy thing to do.

Number one thing you should do is minimize masturbating and toys when your mate is not around.  You need to keep all of that sexual energy stored up. This will help you put more energy into the actual sexual act with your mate. Just like food. You will be hungry for him.

Candles not only smell good but they set the mood for lighting. It makes everything romantic.

Body Butter – Buy lots of scented body bother and rub it all over yourself before the act. You want him to breathe it all in along with your natural scent.

If you are in a long term committed relationship one of the best things you can occassionally do for your partner is allow him to have sex with someone else. That someone else should be you.  This is achieved by wearing sexy outfits, putting on wigs, doing your make-up heavier, tall heels and doing some role playing. If you are usually the type of lady who pretty much just lays there or waits for him to initiate, change roles and be the aggressor.  Initiate and then hop on top and ride. Be very verbal. Talk dirty to him.  Call him daddy. Tell him he has the best d*ck in the world. If you have a hard time loosening up and letting your inner slut out have a shot before hand or sip on a glass of wine.

The stripper and her pole are completely not necessary..  Instead bring the stripper to him. All you need is a stripper chair.. (a movable chair) Hand him a drink and tell him you will be right back. Give him some time to get the drink in his system. Come back with your outfit on and let him watch you dance. (This should be a surprise of course) Dance for him around the chair for a little while, play with him teasingly slowly removing his clothes.  Leave his boxers on.  Keep teasing him, softly touching him here and there. Walk around the chair slowly massaging him. Then instruct him to lay on the bed. Take your shoes off and stand on the bed above him dancing, being sexy, touching him and back to touching yourself.  Ending in a grinding lap dance. Then on to the rest of the foreplay.. If the chair is sturdy you can do the entire act on the chair.  (Wigs are good for this chair dance act)

Most women are turned off by adult flicks but watching it can actually teach you a few things.  Like when you watch adult flicks you see the women give head with enthusiasm. They love it. It’s not done with caution.. It’s wet and sloppy with lots of noise, vibrations and hand action. If you don’t like the act purchase flavored lubes or simply wrap a fruit roll up around it. But get into it.. Act like you like it. No one wants to feel like they are forcing you to do something or fell like you are doing them a favor.

MEN: It’s really nice that you enjoy making slow passionate love to your woman.  That sex so good it makes you cry sex is beautiful. But yes she does need to be roughed up sometimes..  Pick her up in the air. Sex her in your strong arms with her back against the wall. Women who say they came 20 times during sex is not a myth..  This is achieved by entering the hole in the bottom of the vagina (the cervix). The Master stroke/9 Shallow 1 Deep technique.. (I will write about this in a later article) If you master this technique you will be way far ahead of other men. This is a secret technique that most men are not familiar with. The average man hits the cervix and causes pain. Very few men know how to use that spot and make a woman feel pleasure. Do some research on it. There is also Tantra techniques that a lot of couples have been engaging in.

When I say rough sex I do not mean painful sex.  Women should not have to take sitz baths after sex. If she does that means she was not wet enough (Your fault).  When you meet women you should never show them all of your moves right away.  Release them slowly. That way you can constantly surprise her.  When  you sex a woman properly she will feel conquered afterwards.  A lot of men are not sexually conquering their mate.. This is part of the reason she is not submissive to you.

Always have lots and lots of eye contact. Of course music should be involved.  Music makes for good memories.. Either make a playlist or use Pandora.  Sex also happens outside of the bedroom, be spontaneous. You only live once.

Superman - The Man every woman wants to marry

She wants you to be superman of course! Duh!! Get as close as you can to being superman and you will be perfect in her and every other girls eyes.  Rescue her like a damsel in distress, kill spiders and bugs for her, sweep her off her feet. Spend the rest of your life treating her the same way you did when you met her. Protect her by jumping in front of  speeding bullets and trains. Fly her to Paris for dinner using your cape.   Are you thinking being superman may be a bit much? Well, do the things on this list and you will be just fine.

1. Women want a whole bunch of stuff from a man, but she will settle for you being her best friend. She wants to be able to communicate with you. And not communicate where you listen and simply say yes dear. But listen and understand what she is saying to you.
2. She wants to be the apple of your eye to be made to feel like she is the only girl in the world. She wants you to make her feel beautiful. Sure, she might be a super model, everyone just may tell her she is beautiful all day long. But what’s important to her is that YOU think she is beautiful. Spoil her as much as possible.
3. A lady wants a little romance here and there, to be surprised with gifts. Gifts as often as possible. For you to pick her up off of her feet sometimes (literally). A woman wants to be charmed, to feel like a lady. No matter how hardcore a woman is there is little girl inside of her that just wants to be loved. Don’t forget to take her out for dates.  Send her to the spa for some pampering.
4. You should remember special days because she wants to feel like those memories are just as important to you as they are to her. Flowers are good for those days.
5. She wants a man that roughs her up a little in the bedroom sometimes. Making love is awesome but a woman wants to feel like she has been conquered and taken every once in a while. She wants to feel like she has just had sex with a man that is King of his domain.
6. She wants to feel like she is important to you and matters in your daily decisions. She wants to feel your love. She wants you to protect her and keep her safe.
7. A woman likes to be surprised with spontaneous activities. She wants to have a man that she can be proud of to talk about with her girlfriends. She wants a man so good that all of her girls say I wish I had a man like yours.
8. A woman does not want to feel hurt, lied to or cheated on. She wants to be able to trust you with her heart.
9. She wants you to lead her. Pick a course of action and stick with it.  Be all that you can be. Don’t try to make her lead you.  You are the man. Men lead, Women follow.
10. Be a mature man. take responsibility for your actions. Don’t throw girly temper tantrums and exhibit feminine behavior. She does not want to feel like she is dating a woman. You don’t have to have the last word like you did when you were 16.

A woman may have a long list of qualities  that she desires in a mate. She might want you to be at least 6’4” tall and a Mandingo warrior with super human powers, but no matter what she says she will settle for a man with good character who makes her heart beat and keeps a smile on her face.

EXTRA TIP For the Rich/Celebrity Men who just don’t care:

• Your wife would appreciate it if you would not publicly embarrass her by sleeping with groupies who can’t keep their mouths shut. She would also appreciate it if you didn’t make these groupies that you pick up in every state and decide to keep as a keepsake, feel like they are better then your wife..  She does not want these high powered groupies walking up to her in the club telling her what you and the groupie did.  It’s hurtful enough that you are cheating on her with a groupie with 25 tattoos. But does the whole world have to know about it? Keep your affairs with your groupies in the closet and make sure the yamps stay in pocket.  Heaven fordbid that everyone finds out that your wife really doesn’t have that loving relationship that she thought she would have when she married you.

Example: Tiger Woods – His wife would of loved if he stuck by the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas theme.. He should of paid the chicks and kept it moving.  Not sex her for months and give her nothing, thinking she would not eventually tire of screwing a married millionaire who gives her nothing but dik and a smile. Your wife expects you not to be so dumb. Don’t make her feel like she married a rich idiot.