Kissy’s Personal Blog -
Watching Evelyn Lozada interview last night really made me mull over the thought process of both women and men.
A woman gets older and she starts to grasp the fact that time is not on her side. It’s ticking down on her youth and beauty. Men however may not necessarily feel that ticking clock. A man who is 35 years old will still feel as youthful as he once was when he was still in his early twenties. Therefore he has the apt to be prone to make the same decisions he made back then. Even the decisions that turn out to be mistakes in his love life.
For the past year I’ve forgone dating instead to work on my future and what I want out of life. I meet extremely nice guys but I tend to pay them very little attention. Many guys call me and I basically think to myself “ninja what do you want?” I realize that I act this way because although nice guys they are simply not saying or doing the right things in order to garner my full attention. Now that I’m older it’s not so much about the flash. I actually listen to men when they talk, I watch their behavior, I watch to see if they are a man of their words. I watch their patience level. I listen to see if they seem scorned or stuck in their bad ways. I watch to see if they are a good listener and how deep their level of understanding goes; or if they are quick to judge. I watch to see if they have selfish ways. Most importantly I watch to see how kind they are and if they are in a place in their life where they can actually appreciate and comprehend the value of having a good woman in their life.
After becoming accustomed to just working and not dating I’ve grown a level of comfort being by myself. So if I’m to incorporate any man into my life he has to bring peace, harmony and improvement to it. If he does ONE thing wrong he’s gone. I have no time to waste. That’s partly why I have no interest in dating right now.. I was telling my girlfriend that I would quickly drop a guy if he made one false move. So what’s the point I thought.. I have very little patience for B.S. or things that are not conducive to my overall quintessence. Enlightening how she said “that’s what you are supposed to do.” How True and Valid!
Back when I was 24 I might chase a guy and really let him know that I was extremely interested in him.. I was willing to put up with a lot of BS cause I was “in love”. I was willing to overlook things. Heck I even overlooked the fact that some mens behavior was not the behavior of a man who loved me. I dealt with a lot of things that were detrimental to my over-all well-being, at times. That has changed now that I’m a little older. My heart is worth something. If a guy isn’t showing extreme interest in me, I am ABSOLUTELY, UNEQUIVOCALLY, uninterested in him. I don’t care how good he looks, I don’t care how much money he has, if his behavior doesn’t align with “girl I’m crazy” about you he will not get my full attention. That has come from the hard lessons learned that a man will chase after, compete and do what he has to do to win the heart of a woman he truly wants to be with.
Now that I’m well aware the clock is ticking, I don’t have time to waste on a man who doesn’t understand the importance of creating a great, strong family unit at home, I will quickly drop a man if he appears to not be acting right. As a woman gets older she can’t afford to stick by a mans side and watch him put her through hell just because. She doesn’t have time to be lied to, to be disrespected and crying tears every night because of the man she loves. She definitely does not have time to be getting abused.
At this point it is no longer about ego. It’s all about where you want the direction of your life to go. It’s all about what you see in your future. This is the thought process of a person who knows who they are.
Chad hit Ev one time and she was done. She didn’t care how much she loved him or how much the decision to do so would embarrass her not only in front of her friends but in front of the world. From experience Ev already knows the first time would not be the last. It was time to let go. What woman wants to live her life in fear wondering if your husband is in a bad mood and will hit you when the garage door opens? I once had an abusive boyfriend and till this very day I cringe at the sound of the garage door opening. I cringe at the very sound of something even remotely sounding like a garage door. It floods me with so many bad memories and for a few seconds brings back the fear I used to feel when I heard my garage door opening.
What’s the point of being in a relationship if you are more afraid and less excited to see your mate walking through the door? What’s the point of marrying someone only to continue cheating on them 3 weeks later. Why would you waste your time doing so many things to make the person you claim to love, grow to hate you? What type of sense does that make? Why don’t some people understand that life is not pretend? Chad like so many other people will realize they wasted valuable time of their own life trying to play with a situation they were not ready for. Doing so gets you no where but in regret land. When you enter into a relationship you are no longer accountable to just you. Your behavior affects the person involved with you. It affects the kids you have with that person. Yes, you are now partially responsible for someone else’s happiness. You are connected to life.
Change is inevitable and must be done in every aspect of life. Plants, the environment, fashion, laws and every day human life. Even the Bible gets changed… One must always change. It’s apart of the human growth process. You can’t force a person to change in a relationship. A person must have the predilection to produce change in themselves when the time comes. Getting married is not the time to change; the time to change is before the wedding takes place. Change has to come from with-in. If a person hasn’t stopped having the propensity to cheat on you before the wedding then the ceremony will not alter their self-serving desires.
Chad Johnson married Evelyn Lozada and had no intentions of changing his ways. Evelyn is 36 years old and finally got married. At that age it’s a bit late in the game for your first marriage, but it is what it is. Ev got her fairytale, she planned everything down to the wire and saw a bright future for herself. She’s a star and she married a star. Everything would be perfect….
Not that MiMi Faust is getting physically abused, but the difference between Ev and Mimi is that Evelyn has her own money. She’s her own person and has her own identity. She was made before Ocho came along, she doesn’t need to stick by him to remain in the spotlight. Now you have to understand a man’s mindset who will become violent with a woman in such a position.. A woman with obvious high self-esteem. That’s a dangerous man. The difference between Stevie J and Ocho is that Stevie’s women have agreed to put up with his BS on HIS terms.
Most women would not agree to such a situation. Because you are willing to waste your own time and play with your life that does not mean that others are going to stick with you through the BS.
As humans get older you also realize love fades often times and all you are left with is memories. Do you really need any more bad memories? You look back at the things you did and put up with when you were younger and you wonder how could you ever be so stupid. Why did you stick around for so long? At this point you have 20/20 vision into your past. 20/20 won’t allow you to waste your time. Sometimes the only thing that stands between us and complete chaos is our memory. So you understand it doesn’t matter how much you love a person if they’re hurting you. The clock on old age is ticking and it is up to you to keep up your mental and physical health. A person’s well-being should be the most important thing to them. Without that everything else falls apart anyway. Doing what you gotta do may mean letting that person go. People can only waste your time if you allow them to.
If you’re not ready to be a serious, committed relationship or in a relationship on agreed terms then you should stay single. Cause in the end you will realize that you are also wasting your own time.
By the way if you haven’t seen 35 & Ticking WATCH IT, It’s on Netflicks
My personal blogs are ramblings of my thoughts on my life and other things in life. While true you may find some inspiration from them it’s just a form of release for me.