I don’t really get the everyday man.. At least some of them. All of my life I recall going out on dates with men and for the most part they would all tell me that I would be better off with a rich man. Even when I lived in the projects as a teenager you would have thought I lived in the suburbs by my speech and appearance. Although I look a certain way I’ve always dated normal guys. Not rich, nothing super spectacular. I only sought true love. Yet these men would look at me and tend to think I deserved way more than they could give me. Up until now I’ve pretty much ignored them. Then I was talking to this man that I was highly attracted to. He was in Vegas visiting, he was a friend of one of my friends.. I asked him what he did for a living and he said “sorry, I’m just a normal Joe” I have a regular job”.
A confused look came across my face.. I’m like ” Okay, What’s Wrong With That?” For the most part isn’t everyone a normal Joe. Anyway, I kind of dismissed his comment as I have come to learn that I look a certain way so men perceive to see me a certain way although in my eyes I’m just a normal woman who is a pinch more mentally fab than the next.
Anyway I get to talking to the guy on the phone days later and he asked me why I choose to talk to him out of all the men I could be talking to.. (Unfortunately he learned that I was a rather popular person.. I hate when guys I date discover my blog or online identity.. I totally hide it because it intimidates them even more.) Another confused look comes across my face.. I’m like “You’re attractive, you’re nice, you’re sexy, well mannered, well dressed and a few other things. I simply like you. “
I thought that would be the end of it.. Till yesterday I was on the phone with him and I guess I slipped up and told him parts of my goals and dreams.. Anyone who knows me knows that I have some serious goals and dreams, including owning a $2.5 million mansion with a pool and waterfall in the back and a swimming mermaid model. The model is going to be me of course. The biggest piece of my dream is that I intend to achieve this great level of success on my own without some man giving me the money.. I want to be able to look up and be proud of myself for my accomplishments. Which is what I relayed to him.
Right after I said it he said “Well, I don’t know why you are wasting your time talking to me.. I can’t give you any of those things or the lifestyle that you desire. I won’t have money till I retire.. All I can really do is keep your puzzy wet.”
At this point my mouth completely dropped..and not because of the latter.. Why doesn’t he think he’s good enough for me? I’m aware that not everyone has big dreams and there is nothing wrong with that.. We can’t all be the same. I wrestled with the fact that he was a quite a bit older than me so maybe he was trying to be rational. But older, younger, same age, whatever this was not the first time I’ve heard this before.
It seems all of my life that when dealing with most of the average, everyday men they’ve always wondered why I was talking to them.. I realize now this has more to do with them than it does me. When you have low self-esteem, you see your experiences and the world around you as an extension of how you feel about you.
Their problem is they feel like they are not worth my time simply because they don’t have certain material possessions. Their self esteem is based upon their lack of those things.. Resulting in what is pretty much a form of low self esteem.
In feeling this way, you just can’t believe that you’re a person of value, that you’re worthy of a better relationship, that you deserve to have. You’re cautious of people that don’t have similar outlooks and if you get involved with them you may think they’re ‘too nice’ or even privately wonder why the hell they’re making a ‘bad’ investment in you.
You’ll find any and every reason to sabotage when things are going well. You won’t be convinced that a valuable person and a valuable relationship would want to have you in it. You won’t believe that you are worthy of this beautiful person who has taken interest in you. You’ll take refuge in a limited relationship and then focus on their problems.
This is so not cool!
This train of thought is unfamiliar to me because even when I only had $5 in my pocket I still thought that I was awesome and why wouldn’t any man want to be with me. I’ve always thought of myself as a valuable person, worthy of being treated like a Queen. I’m a good investment. Being with me has done wonders for a few men. I’ve never associated my worth as a human being with material possession.
Dealing with something new is often times difficult but you shouldn’t chase your blessings away..
People have to learn to change their thoughts. No one is going to give you more than you think you deserve. If someone comes into your life that’s a lil intimidating, that kind of reminds you where you are not in life just by their appearance, lifestyle or thoughts, then perhaps you should attempt to deal with that person because they just may inspire you to chase your dreams again so that you too can work on becoming the person you truly want to be. If nothing else, stop wearing those lenses that tell you that you are not good enough.. Throw those cloudy things away. You just may find that life is beautiful on the other side.
“If you keep hearing the same thing over and over from different people, perhaps it’s time to listen..” - Kissy Denise
Not only did I evaluate him, but I evaluated myself and asked myself why don’t I think I should only deal with men who can afford to give me the life that I desire.. Why am I so willing to chase my dreams although the path has proven quite difficult, when I could probably cut out a lot of stress and BS by simply pursing a rich man… Why don’t I look at myself as being too good for him? Maybe I need to somehow increase my own self esteem… Nah, I’m just too smart for the BS!
Anyway, I thought he was a pretty awesome guy but I decided to let him go before I end up writing a ‘Dear Kissy’ to my damn self..
Since maybe I would be better off with Jay Z or Puffy since they can definitely afford me. ”Used to Love You” is the perfect video.. But the thing is at the end of the day regardless of your wealth, regardless of your looks or fancy garbs. Underneath all of those things you are at the core just a human..
Which makes everyone just “Ordinary People”
Obviously this blog was written by the hopeless romantic in me..