03 May 2012
Posted by Miss Kissy 
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I don’t really get the everyday man.. At least some of them. All of my life I recall going out on dates with men and for the most part they would all tell me that I would be better off with a rich man. Even when I lived in the projects as a teenager you would have thought I lived in the suburbs by my speech and appearance. Although I look a certain way I’ve always dated normal guys. Not rich, nothing super spectacular. I only sought true love. Yet these men would look at me and tend to think I deserved way more than they could give me. Up until now I’ve pretty much ignored them. Then I was talking to this man that I was highly attracted to. He was in Vegas visiting, he was a friend of one of my friends.. I asked him what he did for a living and he said “sorry, I’m just a normal Joe” I have a regular job”.
A confused look came across my face.. I’m like ” Okay, What’s Wrong With That?” For the most part isn’t everyone a normal Joe. Anyway, I kind of dismissed his comment as I have come to learn that I look a certain way so men perceive to see me a certain way although in my eyes I’m just a normal woman who is a pinch more mentally fab than the next.
Anyway I get to talking to the guy on the phone days later and he asked me why I choose to talk to him out of all the men I could be talking to.. (Unfortunately he learned that I was a rather popular person.. I hate when guys I date discover my blog or online identity.. I totally hide it because it intimidates them even more.) Another confused look comes across my face.. I’m like “You’re attractive, you’re nice, you’re sexy, well mannered, well dressed and a few other things. I simply like you. “
I thought that would be the end of it.. Till yesterday I was on the phone with him and I guess I slipped up and told him parts of my goals and dreams.. Anyone who knows me knows that I have some serious goals and dreams, including owning a $2.5 million mansion with a pool and waterfall in the back and a swimming mermaid model. The model is going to be me of course. The biggest piece of my dream is that I intend to achieve this great level of success on my own without some man giving me the money.. I want to be able to look up and be proud of myself for my accomplishments. Which is what I relayed to him.
Right after I said it he said “Well, I don’t know why you are wasting your time talking to me.. I can’t give you any of those things or the lifestyle that you desire. I won’t have money till I retire.. All I can really do is keep your puzzy wet.”
At this point my mouth completely dropped..and not because of the latter.. Why doesn’t he think he’s good enough for me? I’m aware that not everyone has big dreams and there is nothing wrong with that.. We can’t all be the same. I wrestled with the fact that he was a quite a bit older than me so maybe he was trying to be rational. But older, younger, same age, whatever this was not the first time I’ve heard this before.
It seems all of my life that when dealing with most of the average, everyday men they’ve always wondered why I was talking to them.. I realize now this has more to do with them than it does me. When you have low self-esteem, you see your experiences and the world around you as an extension of how you feel about you.
Their problem is they feel like they are not worth my time simply because they don’t have certain material possessions. Their self esteem is based upon their lack of those things.. Resulting in what is pretty much a form of low self esteem.
You’ll find any and every reason to sabotage when things are going well. You won’t be convinced that a valuable person and a valuable relationship would want to have you in it. You won’t believe that you are worthy of this beautiful person who has taken interest in you. You’ll take refuge in a limited relationship and then focus on their problems.
This is so not cool!
This train of thought is unfamiliar to me because even when I only had $5 in my pocket I still thought that I was awesome and why wouldn’t any man want to be with me. I’ve always thought of myself as a valuable person, worthy of being treated like a Queen. I’m a good investment. Being with me has done wonders for a few men. I’ve never associated my worth as a human being with material possession.
Dealing with something new is often times difficult but you shouldn’t chase your blessings away..
People have to learn to change their thoughts. No one is going to give you more than you think you deserve. If someone comes into your life that’s a lil intimidating, that kind of reminds you where you are not in life just by their appearance, lifestyle or thoughts, then perhaps you should attempt to deal with that person because they just may inspire you to chase your dreams again so that you too can work on becoming the person you truly want to be. If nothing else, stop wearing those lenses that tell you that you are not good enough.. Throw those cloudy things away. You just may find that life is beautiful on the other side.
Me and Dr. Farrah Gray, author of "Brillionaire" at his Grand Opening of Catfish Alley, the first black owned restaurant on the Las Vegas Strip. (really good food)
“If you keep hearing the same thing over and over from different people, perhaps it’s time to listen..” - Kissy Denise
Not only did I evaluate him, but I evaluated myself and asked myself why don’t I think I should only deal with men who can afford to give me the life that I desire.. Why am I so willing to chase my dreams although the path has proven quite difficult, when I could probably cut out a lot of stress and BS by simply pursing a rich man… Why don’t I look at myself as being too good for him? Maybe I need to somehow increase my own self esteem… Nah, I’m just too smart for the BS!
Anyway, I thought he was a pretty awesome guy but I decided to let him go before I end up writing a ‘Dear Kissy’ to my damn self..
Since maybe I would be better off with Jay Z or Puffy since they can definitely afford me. ”Used to Love You” is the perfect video.. But the thing is at the end of the day regardless of your wealth, regardless of your looks or fancy garbs. Underneath all of those things you are at the core just a human..
Which makes everyone just “Ordinary People”
Obviously this blog was written by the hopeless romantic in me..
8 Comments
I dig the more introspective Kissy Denise! I want to check more of these from you mama!
WOOOOOOWWWWWWW I sit here again with my mouth WIDE OPEN SAYING WTF…I cant even answer for him I guess we all think different. People have lost the idea of two people growing ok your dreams are big ok great I guess he had none, we forget when two people get together we think we have to have the same dreams no we are TWO different people your dreams should be something to push me to my dreams or goals, I guess if he didn't have any then you needed to step since he was regular Joe. Everyone wants that person just like you discribed but you need to check the warning label as you found out, there are alot of men out there that have it together along with the big dreams and chasing them down to make the next one bigger, and he might be the one that you least expect or her for that matter. Just because your dreams might be bigger than my dreams I am going to never lower myself to all I can do is get your COOKIE WET….This is why I say dating is OVER RATED because everyone come with some type of Agenda…Love your BLOGS VERY INTERESTING to read how I am not like the people you write about and I thank my Family for teaching me how the SKY IS THE LIMIT and don't stop until you reach it……WOOOOOWWWWW.
Makes me miss blogging.. *sigh.. anyway.. I know very well what she is talking about because I have had the same problems in the past. Either, some guy is saying he is good enough, or some guy is looking at my quirkyness and judging Me as not being good enough and usually end's up eating his words.
HELL- I was MARRIED to that guy.. the one that constantly screamed "I am NOT Enough".., all I wanted was honesty, a little faith in US, and him not to cheat. I wanted him to believe and see himself as I saw him and for him to DROP the macho exterior long enough to see that I and his children simply needed him to BE around.
Simple really, but it was a concept that he struggles to grasp even now in our friendship and we ARE friends. The problem with men that have "I AM NOT ENOUGH" syndrome, is not just self esteem. It's that mental block they put up with the self esteem that causes them to lash out at everyone around them and then play the victem role. You can never tell them that a simple change in how they view themselves will help them to see the world around them through the people they loves eyes.
You can never tell them that what they ARE is ENOUGH, but what they DO is either too much or too little because the are LIMITING themselves.
The sad thing is, Women demonstrate those same behaviors when they choose not to travel, not to read, not to seek a higher understanding of the feelings of those around them.
For every man who says I am not enough, there is a woman that chooses to be less than what she is worth by clinging to this man. These two get togther and perpetuate a cycle of low self esteem in our children and in each relationship they have, they move on to accomplished women that demonstrates different character traits but ultimately, the one that they will go back to evey time, is the woman that believes in him and attempts to push him. Until that woman realizes what she has sacrificed by attempting to be this man's inspritaion. HE will NEVER be ENOUGH until he learns that all he has to be is himself, and if who he IS is the problem then listen to the people that love him and strive to be the best man he can be on his own and not use others to get him there. Time and again.. this person will never change, because there are too many people that ENABLE him to be, NOT ENOUGH.
Nakia Bozeman Sutton Feel free to submit your blogs on here. As long as they are filled with some type of advice that might be helpful to others or something funny I will post them.
That would be sweet.. I'd have to peruse the old Yahoo360 Blogs.. Some of them were hecka funny and introspective and I had a good following before they shut us down…. Thanks!
AsK-Kissy.com I dont get a feel free Kissy…I guess I am not good enough to Blog LMAO…..
Nakia Bozeman Sutton You summed it up very well since you were in the situation it is hard for me to say I am not good enough for anything because I know I am more than capable to do anything and be with anyone no matter WHO she is…But that was nicely said
Christopher T Moore Babe, you should already know that I will post your blog. <3