*Disclaimer – All names have been changed to protect identity. If it sounds similar to you or someone you know in any way, shape, or form it’s not my fault. BLAME KISSY!!
Ted has been living the life money, cars, women, whatever….
He lives with his girl but does whatever he wants. Comes in all hours of the night & morning if at all and while there may be an argument or tears from his girl she still takes care of him and they’ve been together awhile. He has love for her but isn’t in love with her. So one day he’s out and about and sees someone that catches his eye off the bat. This one seems different he thinks and takes the necessary steps to get to know more about her and eventually pursues her. By chance they end up working at the same place, they conversate, exchange numbers and a little while later Ted’s breaking up with his girl and moving in with Trish. Ted’s been in like, not love before but this is different. They have a ball together and though they go through drama of their own seem to generally have love for one another.
One day someone tells Trish that Ted is still creeping with his ex (which he’s not) and in the middle of their biggest fight Ted out of fear of losing her pops the question and Trish says “YES!” It wasn’t an ideal proposal but they have a dream wedding and start a life together. They have two children and decide to relocate. In the process of adjusting to a new state and the other stresses of kids, bills, family, and life in general they start to grow apart. To the outside it seems like everything’s together but that’s far from the truth. They cheat, lie, fight, but stay together. They break up, make up, wake up and try it again and again. Eventually they decide to call it quits, with each of them realizing they love each other but can’t make either one happy. They go through the dark days ahead feeling the pain of years past in addition to the pain of their children dealing with the divorce. They go to war over everything, the kids see and hear too much, eventually they heal and become friends and great co-parents. Dark days and sleepless nights turn two people into stronger, wiser, and more faithful beings that understand the joy, pain, sunshine, and rain relationships can bring. They hopefully have learned from their mistakes and move on with life…
This may not be your story, may have some or no similarities to your present, past or future relationship but hopefully leads you to question the “happiness” of life. Everyone ultimately wants to be happy and ever since Adam and Eve in the garden man was meant to be with woman and woman was meant to be with man so that’s the quest of life. To hopefully find that person that would be the missing piece to a happy and fulfilled journey.
Too many times though we act as the settlers that founded new lands. We stake a claim to someone and stay there no matter what, like the posters on the wall we are there hour after hour, year after year. Scared to leave because we think someone might find gold where we only sifted through dirt. Like gold miners we keep sifting and sifting, but looking up we actually fall deeper and deeper into the pit of sadness. We want gold, we want oil, we want happiness but we instead get sadness and turmoil with a few laughs sprinkled in occasionally. Two people have either drifted apart or were never truly together in the first place. Some people settle for comfortable. Meaning the kids are good, the bills are paid, there’s money in the bank, a roof over your head or whatever’s important to you at the time. But can you really put a price on true happiness? How can you be comfortable when you have love for but aren’t in love with the person you go home to everyday? How can you flirt, cheat, and/or fantasize and then lay next to someone you supposedly love knowing none of the fantasies involved them? How can you accept someone cheating or disrespecting you but then come home to them day after night, year after year? What made you think settling was acceptable? Made it alright to accept existing instead of actually living?
I’ve lost enough people and seen enough things to know that life’s short, so why live it with someone that either never did or doesn’t make you happy? People seem so scared to be alone and deal with the person in the mirror that they’ll settle for “cool” or just enough. I don’t even like my food cool, so why would I accept that in another human being? Others keep waiting on change. The same person you’ve been with for X amount of years you expect to one day come home to and they’re all of the sudden the man/woman of your dreams. Take the rose colored glasses off things don’t happen like that. People are who they are and you either accept them or you don’t. What good’s a nice family portrait when you know it only shows actors and actresses like your favorite movie poster?
Eventually everyone has to deal with the person on the other side of the mirror. I think after years of complacency the image staring back at you becomes more and more unrecognizable. As for me I’d rather be happy and single than settle for cool or miserable. It takes a strong, confident person to be selective in who they choose to spend any part of their life with.
I used to laugh at the people I saw at the movies and eating alone, but now I commend them because for whatever reason they’ve decided not to conform to a random warm body in an otherwise cold bedroom and life. Marriage is great, relationships are great, love is wonderful as long as you don’t just settle for a façade that’s far short of the intended meaning of any of those things like many people do just because they can’t or refuse to do life alone…..
When you’re really confident and happy with yourself you’ll realize who and what makes you happy and won’t settle for less, when you’re not you’ll settle for anything, appear to have something, and wake up daily questioning whether you have anything at all. The choice is yours, I choose to be happy and “cool” or comfortable just isn’t enough and never will be…
I only have one question: Are you happy? And if not what are you gonna do about it? Time waits for no one..