Why are these ninjas so thirsty?

The disclaimer: Characters have been combined and events have been condensed. These are my memories; I am the teller of my own story. Certain episodes are imaginative recreation. To protect the privacy of others, names have been changed and characters conflated. 

With the social media there are mountains of clues left like breadcrumb trails that  Hansel & Gretel left to find their way back home. Unfortunately for them the birds ate them, but for the fellas the clues remain most men just either don’t recognize or pay attention to them at all. Everyday on Facebook & Twitter I see a common theme among women that guys are either  too THIRSTY or LAMES. If it was just a few women I’d pay it no attention but it’s actually a large majority of women as a whole. Whether they’re in a relationship or single they often post about the weak attempts that most dudes make to “get at them“. As a male it’s good to have genuine female friends as well. I’m not talking about the ones you stay around just hoping they’ll be desperate enough to let you smash one day, I mean platonic friends that you have no intention of crossing the line with. In talking to my female friends and family members its evident that THIRST is at an all time high when it comes to men relating to females. Alot of males seem to have no clue how to compliment or approach a woman in a way that they find attractive and appealing.

My friend “Ciara” told me she was contacted on the voxer app by someone she didn’t know but who claimed they went to high school together. After going back and forth a couple of times before the Christmas holidays he mentioned one day that he was on his way to get his son a Kindle Fire, so jokingly she asked him to pick her up one too. Keep in mind they’ve never met and she has no idea who this guy is but anyway he calls her a few hours later and tells her to come pick up the Kindle (www.dumbassninja.com), needless to say she picked it up and months later he hasn’t seen her again and still can’t get a date with her to save his life. Why??? Because besides the fact that he has lameitis he was FAR TOO THIRSTY! 

What ever happened to getting to know a female first? He could’ve tried that first and had a higher chance of getting a date than by just buying her a gift off the rip like she was for sale. Then even if she didn’t want to date him he wasn’t out anything but time and didn’t look so damn desperate.  Isn’t that considered prostitution? But anyway like Tavis Smiley says “I digress…”

Mrs. Jones: Craig, you know what your problem is? You have no game.
Craig Jones: What do you know about game? I got ALL the game.
Mrs. Jones: Now your father… he has game.
Mr. Jones: [coming out of the bathroom] Don’t nobody go in the bathroom for about 35, 45 minutes. Somebody open up a window.
Craig Jones: You call that game?

I have plenty of examples from females I know of THIRST gone way wrong and men that were too dumb or naive to even realize it. One of my friends named “Debra” told me about walking to the hair dresser and a guy yelling from across the parking lot “Shorty why don’t you come and holla at a nigga….!” Needless to say she sprinted into the salon without looking back, but I really wonder what this dumb ninja expected. Do any females respond to this? And if so did they ride the short yellow bus to school like him? I really don’t get it. “Shea” was just standing outside with her daughter and another dumb ninja said “Damn your stripper bad…!” REally? Really dude?

Not only is that not even a compliment to be used in public it was completely disrespectful to her and her traumatized child. Did he expect to get her number after that or expect for her to strip down King of Diamonds style in the street after being so turned on by his compliment? I’m sure her daughter would love to sit down and conversate with this special needs dude every night at dinner and have him help her with the homework he probably couldn’t even read. What happened to “You look nice today?” or “I like your outfit it looks nice on you.” Is it that hard to do? And I really can’t believe any women respond to these pre- GED class attempts at a compliment.

The internet also has alotta ninjas caught in a Jeezy chorus for real:

why yall trippin, im just fine
12:45, bout that time
aint done it all week, time to unwind
drink like a tank,lose my mind

You’re either the first to respond to every half cute pic by every half cute chick or you’re poking her on Facebook 50 times a day like a 2 year old or sending her multiple unwanted DM’s (direct messages). Don’t get me wrong there’s nothing wrong with complimenting a woman online or even trying to get a date, but if you tried once and it didn’t work a 60th message won’t either.

Neither will cussing her out because she didn’t respond or sending her pics of your wood. Then if you do get a woman interested online and muster up a stimulating conversation you send her pics of when you played sports in high school or college knowing damn well you gained at least 100 pounds since then! You sent pics looking like Billy Blanks and show up looking like Fat Albert, so what you gonna do now Smokey? *in my Friday voice*

All you have left to do at this point is pay for the meal, tuck your tail between your legs and go home. But some of you have the audacity (look it up) to try and get a second date after purposely deceiving a woman into the first one. I would ask who raised some of ya’ll but its obvious you were raised by a pack of wolves.

Like my Gram used to say you have no couth at all!!

Beautiful women that post pics or just go about their everyday lives know they’re beautiful (Shocking to some dumbass ninjas i know!) so if that’s all you have to say just take your complimentary thank you and keep it movin’. Try and be different think of something interesting or funny, make her laugh, give her a sincere compliment that doesn’t have to do with her azz or chest. Sell her on your confidence and personality instead of just handing a stranger a gift from the beginning and showing her your fake louis vuitton collection or car. If you’re a baller by all means ball but just know that if it works you’ll be spending on the regular and may never know which she likes more you or your money. She may spend time with you burning through your paper, then date the guy with the confidence and personality on the side and spend some of your money on him too.

The moral of this story is some of you men have lame gameitis with a side of THIRST and you either gonna end up single forever, spending forever on a woman that doesn’t even like you, or have to settle for a Gabourey Sidibe type in a hot ass project  kitchen frying up chicken. Either way the choice is yours. But fathers be role models to your sons and protect your daughters, because the thirst is at epidemic proportions and spreading rapidly. I really wonder if most men know how to properly approach and engage in a conversation with a real woman.

And for the rare few that do get a date with the woman of your choosing my “sources” tell me you ain’t washed your azz, put on cologne, opened the car door, brought flowers, or nothin’ but at the end of the date at The Golden Coral you expect to try and smash….. SMH, my female friends and family tell me chivalry is dead but I’ll write on that topic at a later date.