After 7 years of marriage the couple considers themselves pretty good experts on relationships and how to maintain a successful marriage.
As you may very well know Nicole Ari Parker and Boris Kodjoe displayed extreme chemistry on the set of Soul Food 10 years ago, where they met. They literally looked like they belonged together.. It was love at first sight although they were both already in relationships.
The beautiful Hollywood couple sat down with Essence to give the viewers a little love advice on Valentines Day.
Nicole Ari tells the ladies to tone down the nagging and stop following the ‘how to keep your man’ advice from your girls. According to Nicole, your man will notice a good home cooked meal before he notices how great you look in those new shoes or purse.
Excerpts from the interview:
Nicole: As women we pass down a lot of misinformation on how to ‘keep your man’ or ‘get your man’ or all those things, and I think it’s really basic. I stopped doing a lot of unnecessary things. Like, he didn’t need me to show my love by organizing his sock drawer. I did a lot of things that he didn’t even notice. He’s not going to notice the new purse and I stopped thinking that he should. But when I cook for him, it’s Christmas in my house. When I — food and you know what else. And after seven years of marriage, I took a lot of stress off myself. Being skinny or hair done, make-up, going to bed like this [points to self] and not putting the do-rag on…I just stopped with all the madness and became very conscious of what he does like, and he’s very conscious of what I like.
Boris: I think what’s important is that you’re friends and that you like each other. That’s number one. If you like each other, you have with each other and you make each other laugh, you enjoy each others presence then that’s a great foundation to have, first of all. We make each other laugh and keep it sexy. It’s like with everything else — if you want to be successful in a business you have to work everyday to make that happen. A relationship is no different. If you want a relationship to flourishing and great and fun and successful, you’ve got to put effort into it every day. We try to do that for each other and with each other.
Nicole: Husbands don’t realize this. We start off as the sexy girlfriend. But the minute they get married they don’t listen. You say honey, while you are at the store get the orange juice . I don’t know how this happens but somehow he comes back with 7-up and no one in the house drinks soda.
BORIS: We’re are problem solvers. If the orange juice is not there we get the next best thing.. I didn’t text her to ask her if it was okay.. Communication in marriage is very important.
Nicole: We start off as the hot girlfriend. We say yes to everything. We’re cool, we’re fun, we’re spontaneius. But after a while when they don’t listen, you become naggy, Then two years into the marriage you’re in a durag with a spatula in your hand screaming about the orange juice. And you’re wondering how did you get here and saying “I do not want to be this woman”. I do not want to be fussing and fighting. ” But, It happens.. In reality you have to constantly check yourself. Check your tone, check your voice, check your patience, because they are going to push it.
BORIS: Guys have to be more present. We as men ahve to be more present. Sometimes we sit there at the table reading a book or a news paper, and we work on the computer and when the wife walks in it should be an event. You have to look up. close the computer and say hey baby, WOW, did you just get your hair done just now, are those new pants you’re wearing? You have to make sure that you notice things.
Nicole adds: When he does it I feel like a million bucks..
THAT’S WHEN THE FOOD OCMES, Boris INTERRUPTS. and the other stuff, he says.
Nicole continues: That’s when the food comes. Then I’m nice all day. I’m roasting chicken with rosemary and lavender. I don’t even know why lavendear goes into the chicken but I read it somewhere.
BORIS ends on a note to the ladies: This is very important – Women, you need to fall in love and get with the person that is standng in front of you, not hte person that the person in fron to fyou might become. Not the potntial of a person But if you are in love with the person that’s in front of you righ tnow. that’s when you should go ahead. A lot of people get in trouble cause they say well i can chnge him I can fix him, he’s gonna be ok if he does this and that he’ll be great.. NO, you need to be ok and in love and compltely comfortable with the prson that’s standing in front of you right now. Don’t fall in love with a potential, fallin lvoe with the person standign in front of you.
They really are the most adorable couple.. I hope they stay together for many more years to come.
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