9. Today, my boyfriend of seven months dumped me because if he ‘ever wanted to get married’, he wants to ‘marry a virgin.’ I lost my virginity to him. FML.
8. Today, I found out the guy that my girlfriend introduced as her brother was actually her boyfriend. I also paid for him to come out with us to the movies several times. FML
7. Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML.
6. Today, my mother forwarded me an email my stepdad had sent her because he was annoyed that I left a light on last night. Talk about communication problems. I wonder how I’m going to tell them I’m pregnant. FML.
5. Today, while at my boyfriend’s family get together, his cousin got white boy wasted and decided to ask my boyfriend when he was planning on proposing to me, loud enough for everyone to hear. An awkward silence was followed by my boyfriend’s mother, who clearly said “hopefully never.” and walked off. FML.
4. Today, I had a rare phone call from my ex-girlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was the best conversation we have had in forever, it made me miss her and miss us. Later on in the day, she called back asking what we talked about. She was too high too remember. FML.
3. Today, I saw my ex making out with her new bf. not noticing the stairs in front of me i trip and fall down breaking my shoulder. I make my way outside across the parking lot to get help when i get hit by a car. FML.
2. Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn’t sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML.
1. Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She then changes her status to engaged and changes her main photo to a picture of her and her fiance in a photo booth. I had no choice but to go downstairs to the kitchen to shoot the bish. FML.
Extra - Today, one of my managers at work asked me to carry our new Frappe machine to front counter for assembling. Being 5 months pregnant, I explained to her I am unable to safely lift more than 20-30lbs. I was then fired and told that I shouldn’t use being pregnant as an excuse to not work. FML.
BONUS - One For The Road - Today, I finally turned 21. I’ve been waiting for this day all of my life so that I could legally have my first drink.. Too bad my mom put an eviction letter on my basement bedroom door. FML