29 Dec 2011
Posted by Miss Kissy 
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Hey Miss Kissy,
I’ve been with my guy for 15years and counting… 3kids,1degree, several arguments and a dysfuntional household later… I still dont have a ring. He says he wants to get married “when the time is right”..WTF does that mean?
I’ve tried leaving him in an attempt to “wake him up”…but all that did was affect the kids. I love him but I dont know if want to continue to wait…
What say you, Kissy and Ask-Kissy readers?
15 Yrs And Counting in Seattle
Dear 15 years And Counting in Seattle
This goes with the old adage, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? He has milked the hell out of you already. Girl, do you even have any milk left? You have given him everything that his wife would have given him already. How does he benefit if he marries you right now? I come up blank. You have also given him 15 GOOD YEARS of your life. (The Best Years)
Seeing as to how you have stayed around for 15 years, it’s obvious that you are in love, so I would advise you to pull a Chrissy (Jim Jones girlfriend) and propose to him. If he says no or not right now then you are going to have to either live in happiness with no ring or simply move on and start over fresh with someone new..
Personally I don’t think he finds any value in you… But I don’t know you. My 15 Signs of a good black man states that when a man finds a woman that he actually values he does not keep her as a girlfriend for 15 years. He instead marries her..
Let us know what you decide and how it goes.
Kissy
P.S. I hope your state has common law marriages so that you can get something for your service and dedication if he says no.
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No comment
Smdh.
stay
Do you really need a ring to say who youe with? If he comes homeevery night an does what he has 2 do, the to hell with a wedding.
It’s TIME To Withhold Sex… Caring Around DEAD Weight That Don’t Want To Commit. You Obviously Didn’t Get The Message In Beyonce’s Song “Put A Ring On It”.
why try to fix something thats not broken?
I think sum1 has commitment issues.. maybe holdin out jus n case he can pull a “Halle Berry’s (lik it’s gnna happen 4 HIS old azz) lol #1KissyFan
Got “Dumb Girl” by Run-DMC going through my head..
By law, they are married. If you live with someone for more then 7 years you have a civil union.
a little off topic, but why do you hope her state has common law? why must SHE get something?
I would’ve left 10 years ago. 15 years is way too long in my opinion. It doesn’t seem like he wants to get married. It’s been 15 years and “when its the right time” is his answer…. that’s a cop out. I say give him a time limit and if he still doesn’t want to get married just leave. You two don’t seem to be on the same page. You want to get married and he doesn’t
Scratch that. “Piece of my Love” by Guy…
She lived wrong with him all these years and she isn’t good enough to live right in front of God and their kids! Leave! You deserve better! Don’t play a role that you’re not living! You’re not his wife so don’t give him the benefits of being a husband!
She should hold on. To make it work just hold on. He could never be happy if she turns up the pressure to marry. It took me 18 years but, we are still together.
@Emmanuel, that law doesn’t apply to every state. And I agree with Shaun Bullock!
She said she’s in love with the guy. Why would she leave because theyrenot married?. Shd be doing herself a injustice. Saying “when the time is right” is not a cop out. Some people just wait longer tan others. She should hold out and stay with him.
Aint shit to say for real..but she set trippin…in dude real in its a diff if he aint been cheatin..she gotta plus..
Forget bout it….
15 years and he’s still with her. He’s obviously in it for the long run.
I’m not gonna live with no woman 15 yrs and won’t marry her! God honors marriages not civil unions! She wants to be right with the Lord! I’m married and love it!
Omgg!! 15 years is way to long. She might as well stay with him because it will be hard for her to start fresh and find someone new. She still loves the man and already have a family. Sorry to say, but I don’t see a marriage in the future… it’s been 15 years. That’s a marriage already WITHOUT the wedding and the ring! She should have left long time ago…then maybe… She would have a chance at marriage with someone else.
Why the constant need for signatures on government forms? Why must women always demand government approval? What happened to all that independence they yammer about?
Suck dick better
After at least 4 years if he`s not ready to get married , then it should have been a RAP !!!
What message is she sending to her children (especially daughters) that its ok to stay in a relationship with a man who wont marry you? Not for nothing, but this type of logic is the reason why 70% of black households are headed up by single parents, why 60+% of the prison population is comprised of black men, why black girls make up the highest percentage of teen pregnancies….it all goes back to dysfunctional households and poor/no father figures
Wow, what’s wrong with my people *sign* Children shack up, adults marry and secure an inheretice for their descendents. Relationships aren’t about finding comfort and playing house. Please do research about the origins of marriage and you’ll know why all productive societies found it essential! That fact that we (Africans in America) don’t uphold the the instiutional is reflective in the tumoil that’s taking over our community. Grow up folks!
But is he in Love? sometimes a person be in love by themselves! more than likely he’s not going 2 marry her. most men will stay just bcuz they know she loves him & will tolerate whatever just 2 keep them there! she should put him 2 the ultimate test, Shut Down ALL WIFEY Duties, if he love her he’ll marry her, or he’ll Leave! Trust me it works! we played house 4 five yrs, i shut down every thing 4 a whole yr, the nx year in july we got married!!!
@Shaun Bullock… Sorry, whether she leaves or stays the damage is done…he’s a child and she sold herself short
Yo ‘niqueness EXCELLENT INPUT
Stay her dumb ass there!! If he has not asked you to marry him within 2years he ain’t going too. Having kids is not a reason to marry you. Maybe her man likes it the way it is so why get married?? But if you want more you better go find it cause it ain’t where you at!!
Kernell Sterling Brown You must have an awful lot of money???
wow
My question is: did she ask him IN THE BEGINNING of their relationship, what HE was looking for, his thoughts of marriages and etc…? If she didn’t, then she definitely screw herself. Let’s forget about the fairy-tale because they don’t exists, you got to be real with your mate and let them know what the hell you want from now and the future. You HAVE TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE AT LEAST. If not, you just wasting your time.
3 kids later is way too late to try and pressure marriage to anybody. Especially after 15 years. After the first she should have at least said she would settle for a court wedding in front of a judge. All these big stars and movies got big weddings in these women heads and people can’t always afford it. And guys find every reason in the book to keep a relationship going. But 15 years is most definitely a common law marriage so she really is already married.
3 kids later is way too late to try and pressure marriage to anybody. Especially after 15 years. After the first she should have at least said she would settle for a court wedding in front of a judge. All these big stars and movies got big weddings in these women heads and people can’t always afford it. And guys find every reason in the book to keep a relationship going. But 15 years is most definitely a common law marriage so she really is already married.
3 kids later is way too late to try and pressure marriage to anybody. Especially after 15 years. After the first she should have at least said she would settle for a court wedding in front of a judge. All these big stars and movies got big weddings in these women heads and people can’t always afford it. And guys find every reason in the book to keep a relationship going. But 15 years is most definitely a common law marriage so she really is already married.
3 kids later is way too late to try and pressure marriage to anybody. Especially after 15 years. After the first she should have at least said she would settle for a court wedding in front of a judge. All these big stars and movies got big weddings in these women heads and people can’t always afford it. And guys find every reason in the book to keep a relationship going. But 15 years is most definitely a common law marriage so she really is already married.
She is not dumb! I would just suggest them having a serious conversation about expectations and what his plans on marriage are. If they are not on the same page then she has a decision to make.
She is not dumb! I would just suggest them having a serious conversation about expectations and what his plans on marriage are. If they are not on the same page then she has a decision to make.
She is not dumb! I would just suggest them having a serious conversation about expectations and what his plans on marriage are. If they are not on the same page then she has a decision to make.
She is not dumb! I would just suggest them having a serious conversation about expectations and what his plans on marriage are. If they are not on the same page then she has a decision to make.
It doesn’t take that long. He ain’t never gonna Marry her. Maybe someone else, but not her.
Lost cause.
Lost cause.
Lost cause.
Honey 15yrs 3kids and u cant get him to marry u. Honey I hate to say this but…………if he didnt ask u to marry him after child number 1 and child number 2 then he is not gonna ask now. But can u blame him us women have to take responsibilty for our action also u.let.this man
Honey 15yrs 3kids and u cant get him to marry u. Honey I hate to say this but…………if he didnt ask u to marry him after child number 1 and child number 2 then he is not gonna ask now. But can u blame him us women have to take responsibilty for our action also u.let.this man
Walk all over u thinkin its ok to get ur preg with out buildin a foundation.
Walk all over u thinkin its ok to get ur preg with out buildin a foundation.
After 5 years you should've left!
You are right.
All that will be left to see is the dust from my car tires.
I Know A Good Woman ,That Went Through The Same Thing..