DEAR UGLY PEOPLE:
I am so tired of you getting mad at me because I’m highly attractive and you’re not. I’m also funny and you’re not, but you never seem to get upset with me about that O_O. Don’t think that i don’t sense your snide comments….
I’m going to do you a favor and teach you how to be attractive. First, Go to the mirror, Look in it. Look real close. ADMIT IT. Tell yourself you are one ugly mothrfker. Say it out loud. This was my first step too. I looked in the mirror one day and I was like gosh girl, you are one ugly mothrfker and those thick glasses you wear do not help at all. Then on top of that you got this nappy hair that dreads on demand. I looked in the mirror and said self, we should do something about all this ugliness.
So, I got rid of those goggles. Got me some nice contact lenses. Then I was looking at my big breast and I was thinking wow, those are nice and perky. I want them to stay that way. I didn’t want to be apart of the saggy titty committee anytime soon so I went out and bought some nice supportive push up bras. Next I tackled that kitchen in the back of my head with a super strength ain’t no turning these naps back relaxer. Voila suddenly I was cute. Then, I moved to Las Vegas, and all the girls in Vegas were stunning and gorgeous. So instead of hating on them I simply visited my trusty friend the mirror again. Mirror said Kissy you could probably look much better than cute. I think you got some Bad Bish in you.
So Then I went out and got myself one of those nice $700 remi weaves. Suddenly my hair blew in the wind like the white girls. And I went to Walgreens and bought a bunch of make-up. Suddenly I was gorgeous. But of course I wasn’t happy with that for very long. So then I started doing dumb shit like working out with a personal trainer. The nerve of me!
Now that you know all of my secrets, I hope you feel better and see that I’m not all that. So, Please don’t hate on me anymore. You can do it too. Just go buy all the stuff I bought. (Expensive, might require you to keep up with my hustle) But after you do all that just remember – I’m funny, you’re not.. And, u still may have to work on developing that thing they call a personality. Unfortunately, I can’t give you any advice on how to get one of those, cause I was actually born with one. Good Luck on your journey and I hope to see less ugly ass photos popping up on my timeline..
DISCLAIMER: One chick did just that. Cept she bought a $75 lace front. Some green contact lenses, a push up bra and some makeup. She was confused cause she still didn’t get the same reactions from men that I recieved.
Crazy thing is sometimes I wake up and look in the mirror and I jump back cause that ugly motherfucker I used to see still stares back at me sometimes.. Then it opens it’s mouth to say Yeah Bish, I’m still here, ain’t nothing changed.. When that happens I say, shut the fuck up, I got shit to do. I suggest you go hide somewhere. Then I comb my hair, put on some lipgloss and I be popping again..
I owe that one chick my deepest apologies for failing to mention that they didn’t sell Intelligence, class, sex appeal and self love at the beauty supply store.. I guess I had a better quality canvas to paint on… I guess she learned that it’s just in me, Not on me.. That’s probably why she has become my biggest fan.
And I know this doesn’t help the ugly men. But use this advice to help that ugly girl you settled for look better. Then maybe you won’t have to lie to her and yourself by telling her she is a bad chick. She can actually be one now.