DEAR KISSY:
I’m 23 years old and I’m a mom to a 2mnth old precious son. After I broke-up with ex, I discovered that I’m 3 months pregnant.
Told him, but he insisted on aborting the baby but I couldn’t.
During the pregnancy, my family elders gave him a call for damages as it is a tradition when u fall pregnant unmarried. He told them he wants nothing do wth me or the baby.
Three days after my son’s birth. I sent him a photo of the baby. He congratulated me and I haven’t heard from since…. up until he sent an email asking about my son and stating that he can’t do anything for the baby right now cause he doesn’t have a job.
Now Ms.Kissy, call me crazy,but although this man has put me through hell, I still love him, although he doesn’t want me.
I even pray to God everyday to get him out of my system if it’s not meant for he and I to be together. Am I losing it? lol
I DIDN’T ABORT
DEAR I DIDN’T ABORT:
Yes, you are losing it. I’m going to help God out right now by telling you to stop praying for that relationship. That is absolutely a preposterous thing for you to do at this point. When a man tells you to abort that means he has no interest in your romantically, physically, spiritually or mentally. He wants nothing to do with you.. You can’t force anything. If you thought keeping the child would make him want to be with you then you have joined the ranks of thousands of other women who have found out that does not work.
Although it was irresponsible of you both to have unprotected sex and not use birth control or a day after pill, besides the fact that neither of you can have a baby the baby is here now.
For future reference though, the next time you decide to have a baby against the male’s instructions you should be prepared to raise a child on your own for a few years and possibly for life.
Your family tradition kind of disturbs me. The fact that it’s “traditional” for the family to reach out to the sperm donor to pay the hospital bill. Usually in such cases it’s the State and Human Services that is reached out to in order to help with the costs.
Anyway, although he asked you to abort and told you he wanted nothing to do with you or the baby he can either sign his rights away or you can take him to court in order to pay child support. Saying no I don’t want you to have a baby does not mean that he is not financially responsible for the financial well being of the child.
He has reached out to you through email because it is slowly soaking into his brain that he has a child, flesh and blood on this earth and he is yearning to do the right thing. He is starting to feel bad that he is not in the childs life. I would suggest you give him some time and let it soak. Tell him that you understand that he does not want to be with you but you would love it if he would be involved in the child’s life. Tell him to see about getting a job or tell your family to reach out to him to help him find employment.
And please by all means stop wasting God’s ears praying for a person that does not want you. You are going to have to raise your self esteem. Love may take a long time to go away, but high self esteem will help you control your emotions and make better decisions. Also get on birth control ASAP, and still STOP having unprotected sex. It’s dangerous.
Congratulations on having a healthy baby. My nephew died as a toddler a few weeks ago. He wasn’t born healthy…. God blessed you with a healthy child. Appreciate that.
KISSY
Queen of Answers | Goddess of Life | The Expert on Common Sense
21 Comments
Lets ask Google
WHAT I SEND YOU LOVE IN YOU CANT SHOW NONE BACK THATS CRAZY..
Yes! Start in this order, safer sex, condoms (male & female), day after pill, taking the man who don’t want a baby into consideration, the dreaded A word. Everything to stop children born out of wedlock to young mother & father who really do not want them. GO!
Everyone could use the education!..it dose help!
LOL @ If you thought keeping the child would make him want to be with you then you have joined the ranks of thousands of other women who have found out that does not work. AsK-Kissy.com I swear you think like a Grown Successful man/Father. Can we really call this guy a dead beat he expressed he did not want a baby. She is still very young I hope she know what charteristics to look for in a man going forward! but she will be a single mom/Father. Women must take responsibility of their body and stop letting men who are not financially stable plant seeds in them and want to pray when they get reslults like these! but like i said you are young lesson learned. JUST KNOW WITH EVERY BABY DADDY YOU GET THE LESS CHANCES YOU HAVE OF GETTING A DECEIT MAN.
It’s time for young ladies to take charge of their own body and stop letting men decide for them, what’s the sense in sleeping with someone who is unable to take care of you and your child? I don’t see any sense in that.
It just goes to show that just because your “GROWN” doesn’t mean you should be having sex!
I just posted a story (gossip) about beyonce and jay z separated because she is stalling on having his child. The article didnt bother me as much as the comments by women suggesting that she have his baby to make him happy and/or losing him. These ideas are loads of BULLS**T!!! Becoming a mother is the most important job a women will ever have in life and the first important choice you will make in becoming a mother is choosing a MAN with the qualities to become a great FATHER. I have nothing but respect for someone who told you he or she didnt want to become parent and you keep trying to get pregnant or get her pregnant. He was just as responsible for getting her pregnant though. Put a condom on and pull out dudes ….pull out …..
Where’s all the men that answered the ‘would you want to know if your partner had an abortion?’ question, I want to hear their comments now.
Celibacy is very Enlightening
Yes
I don’t understand men that have sex without protection yet say they don’t want kids, thats like saying you don’t want to be burned yet sticking your hand in the fire. He is just as much at fault as she is. I don’t understand why a woman would have sex with a loser without a job either. She should get on BC and not have any more kids until a man puts a ring on it.
^^^@nicole thompson she is 23 yrs old she made bad judgment call! She is still young! alot of young women sleep with the wrong man! she just allowed a bad situation to get worst! Is she financially stable to take care of a kid? her parents making phone calls it sounds like they are the one that going to take care of that baby!/ as far as the man is concerned he is still responsible but at the end of the day mama baby papa maybe women should be more cautious and have more say so with their body for example request a man wear a condom?
Nasar yes women should be cautious with their body but it kills me when I hear men even 40 years old say they don’t want kids (or any more kids) yet they want to have sex. Even with condoms they are not 100%. Just saying you don’t want something does not get you off the hook for your actions.
Nicole i want sex from you but i dont want children because we are not married yet. I will protect myself but that should give you que to get birth control as well.
WOW… Everyone Makes Mistakes & My Heart Goes Out To Young Women Who Have To Deal With These Toxic Men. Just Remember It Wasn’t The Children’s Fault…Very Sad.
The accountability cuts both ways, if I’m not ready for fatherhood, I wrap and shield it, especially if I know my partners NOT! Everytime you plunge, you take the chance of Lifetime Ownership! The only safe route is “nothing ventured,” “nothing gained!
Abortion is just a fancy word for saying MURDER! Young men and women should not take on what they know they can’t manage, why go and have unprotected sex if you’re not willing to take care of what comes from doing that? it’s time they learn. There’s a saying here in jamaica who know better do better. Don’t go to bed with someone who is not will to protect you or himself.
Baby’s is 1 thing what about aids? Hiv? Herpes? Gonorrhea? And other stds?
plz do! Imperative + ASAP!
Women have thirteen different contraceptive options, yet Her Body, Her Choice© becomes It Takes Two To Tango© all to often. Looks like you’re going to have to use small words and large print for that particular article.