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Kelly Rowland recently wrote a piece in Essence magazine. In it she entails how she did not always think she was so beautiful.

“I t took a long while for me to know that I’m beautiful. I remember going through this phase when I was younger of wanting to pass by mirrors and not look at them. That was so ridiculous. I’ve learned now that beauty starts from within. If you don’t know your worth, if you don’t know your value, if you don’t know how fantabulous you are — it’s going to be hard for other people to see it. Being appreciative of self, is beauty to me.

What makes me feel really beautiful is when I wake up and my skin is acting right [laughs] and I have a really great workout. When those days come, remember you deserve them because you work so hard.

One of my beauty icons is Oprah Winfrey. I love that fact that she’s so comfortable with herself. One of my favorite episodes of her show was when she showed millions of people how she woke up in the morning with no makeup on. That was so selfless and revealing. She’s very real and genuine and I love that. Halle Berry is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. Same thing with Whitney Houston and Janet Jackson — especially as a kid, because they have brown skin like me. I remember looking at magazines and television and seeing someone that looked like me and seeing a piece of myself in them.

What I’ve learned is, take better care of yourself. When you make the decision to do that — that’s a step toward reinvention because you probably need it and in that moment, you deserve it.”

This is proof that a majority of women no matter how attractive they may be often have a hard time feeling beautiful in their own skin.  For some people it takes years many years into their adulthood to look in the mirror and actually see a beautiful reflection. Especially people who are perfectionists. It’s a growing process. But the world is going to see you as wonderful, talented and fabulous until you begin to think of yourself that way.

People do not understand the importance of having high self-esteem. I can not stress this enough. It is the key to having essential mental, physical and spiritual strength. It’s the key to living and accomplishing things. It is responsible for the way you interact with people and respond to situations. It is so necessary.

If you do not have high self esteem it’s time to sit down and admit this to yourself and start working towards high self esteem.  Realize that true high self esteem is not dependent on your surroundings, material possessions or wealth. (I would think I was all that even while living in a homeless shelter)

HOW TO HAVE HIGH SELF ESTEEM:

First start by accepting all your faults and forgiving yourself for your past mistakes.  Look in the mirror and realize you are not perfect you will never be perfect. To be a human means to be flawed. There are no perfect people.

Start giving yourself positive affirmations.  There will be no more saying negative things about yourself. No you are no longer clumsy, dumb or any other negative thing. You will no longer say out loud negative things. It is very important to give yourself positive affirmations. Constantly tell yourself good things about yourself. Say it out loud. When you have high self esteem it increases your happiness. Tell yourself that you are beautiful, wonderful, talented, fabulous and rich.

Start analyzing your past and gaining wisdom from it.  Acquire new knowledge.  Learn a speciality. The more intelligent you are the quicker you can get high self esteem.  Realize your talents and traits. Understand what is special about you. Believe in yourself. True high self esteem is based upon knowing your best talents and assets and knowing that you are unique.

Using myself for example.  When I deal with people who don’t know me they will often mistake me for being arrogant.  People who know me, like my family will say that I was born with high self esteem.  No matter how cheap my clothes and shoes were, no matter how poor I was, no matter how thick my glasses were I always had very high self esteem.  Mainly because I was a very intelligent person. I placed a high value upon knowledge. Because of this I realized at a very young age that my wealth of knowledge is what set me apart from my peers. This made me valuable  in my own eyes.

I can be around a drop dead gorgeous woman with impeccable speech and appearance and I will still have high self esteem.  Although these women are wonderful, I understand that they may be wonderful, but I am unique from them.. I may not always be the most beautiful woman in the room. But I’m probably a lot more intelligent than the most beautiful woman in the room. I’m probably sexier than her. I’m probably funnier than her.   Even if I’m not the smartest in the room, I’m probably a lot prettier, sexier and funnier than the smartest girl in the room.  Even if  I encounter a woman that’s neck to neck with me in great characteristics. I have no problem admitting this.  Yet, I will still be wonderful.

I will tell a woman how fabulous she is.  My high self esteem and love for beauty allows me to value other beautiful/fabulous people without feeling invaluable myself. We can all be wonderful. Wonderful, happy people are a joy to be around. You must develop this inner self esteem so that your self esteem does not crash upon entering a room full of fabulous people.  It is in no way a comparison. Someone will always have more or less than you. Someone will always be better or worse.  It’s all about recognizing who you are and your many strenghts and talents. Get to know yourself.

I have had people and men in general say all sorts of mean things to me. My exboyfriend was the worst in the things he said and did to me.  But my self esteem was so high that every mean and bad thing he ever said and did to me went in one ear and out the other.  I protect my mind from garbage. I won’t allow my experiences with other people to determine how I feel about myself.   This is because I have inner strength, which is part of and how I have self esteem.

Women you should absolutely not place your value and self esteem on how a man treats you. Quite honestly when you truly reach high self esteem you won’t allow a man to mistreat you too much.  Your standards will be much higher. Your reactions, acceptance, or non acceptance of  things will be dependent upon your level of self esteem. The higher your self esteem the better you feel you deserve.

Inner strength is the core and most important but let’s not forgo our outer appearance. We live in a society where appearance means everything. Stop lying to yourself and telling yourself otherwise.  If you don’t like something subtle about yourself change it.. If you are overweight work out. If you don’t like your hair, change it.. If your clothes don’t compliment you buy a new wardrobe.  All these things help.

Next you are going to have to get rid of people who don’t give you positive affirmations.. You are reaching towards high self esteem. You don’t need any negative people in your life. You can’t chase a woman who pays you no attention when you know your self esteem is damaged from the last relationship. Spend some time with a woman who is a completely into you and treats you special. If the people in your life don’t think you are a wonderful, beautiful person then it is time to get rid of them.  All the positivity in the world is counter productive when you are dealing with negative people.

Start planning some goals and accomplishments. The more goals you are able to reach the better you will feel about yourself and the more positive things you will have to discuss with others. If you have nothing going on in your life it is going to be rather hard to attain high self esteem.  Set some goals or  start volunteering. All kind, good hearted people feel good about themselves when they help others.

Once you reach this new high self esteem. Don’t deal with anyone who doesn’t treat you according to how you now see yourself. A person’s reactions to you must mirror your own inner thoughts of you. Don’t start to cower and worry about people with lower self esteem who now think of you as too cocky or not down to earth. Now that you realize just how hard it is to maintain high self esteem you won’t be bothered by others with it. Continue to love yourself and say fabulous things about yourself. Stay shining and giving light to others.

Read this quote on my bio page